


Room Mates and Double Dates

by BromeliadLucy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M, marvel AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-20 15:59:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10666014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BromeliadLucy/pseuds/BromeliadLucy
Summary: Being room mates with Steve and Bucky had its ups and downs. On the upside, they were your best friends. On the downside, you were in love with Bucky, and he didn't know it.





	1. Chapter 1

Being roommates with Bucky had its ups and downs. On the upside, he’d been your best friend for ten years now; he made great coffee; he was understanding of hangovers; he was (relatively) house-trained. On the downside, you were in love with him, and it was your job to help him ease his one-night-stands out of the door in the mornings because he never wanted to be the bad guy.

There were three of you living in a fair sized apartment in the back end of town - you, Bucky and Steve. You’d been living together for three years now, having chosen a good apartment in a bad area over a bad apartment in a good area, and it was mostly fun. Steve was responsible and made you have regular house meetings when the washing up was left too long or lights weren’t turned off. Bucky made Steve have fun. You threw pillows at them both when they got too testosterone-y and you all knew that if one of you was sick, or lonely, or running low on money, the others would be there.

You’d helped Steve through stomach flu, and coming out. You’d supported Bucky when his Mom died, and you’d once made him laugh so much he threw up. They’d raged with you when you were fired for turning down your boss’s advances, and had got so drunk with you on your birthday you all woke up with tattoos. It was the perfect set up.

Except for the love thing.

There was no way you’d ever let Bucky - or Steve - know how you felt. Things were too good to throw a spanner in the works now, and the thought of losing your best friends was too much to bear. But that didn’t make it any easier. Bucky was a ladies’ man. Or, as Steve called him when he feeling fed up with all the hot water being used up by another woman on a Saturday morning, a pain in the ass. Or, when you had to pass on another number written on a scrap of paper, that you knew he’d chuck away, a cowardly bastard.

Bucky always swore he wasn’t the settling down type. He’d make jokes about ‘too many women, too little time’, and say that it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the world to limit his charms - this was the point when you and Steve would start throwing things at him. Sure, he was charming, and good looking and all those other things, but you’d heard enough drunk confessions to know that deep down he wanted something longer, he just didn’t want it with any of the women he’d met so far. Not because he didn’t like them, and not because they slept with him - for all his old fashioned charm, he wasn’t the type to think a woman shouldn’t put out - he just seemed to be looking for something else. You and Steve had talked about it one night after putting a drunk and tearful Bucky to bed, and Steve admitted that when he’d first got to know Bucky in college, he’d soon found out that he didn’t think much of himself and couldn’t see his worth. Ergo, anyone who liked him was obviously wrong.

Still, no time to think about that now. It was Saturday morning, you were making coffee in the tiny kitchen in your pyjamas, and you heard Bucky’s door open. Yup. A slightly awkward looking woman - beautiful, tall, cropped black hair - was tiptoeing towards the door. She was holding her shoes in one hand, her bag in the other and clearly hadn’t seen you.

“Hi. Can I get you some coffee?”

You suppressed a grin as she squeaked, surprised by someone being up, and dropped her bag.

“Um, hi. Hi. Um. Shit. Are you Bucky’s…”There was a look of panic on her face, you could see her imagining she’d walked into some odd ménage a trois set up.

“Room mate. I’m Bucky’s room mate.”

You held out some coffee and smiled at the mixture of relief and hangover that was showing on her face.

“I’m May. I…” She coughed nervously. “Um, I need to get home, can you let me know… where I am?”

You told her the address, and she looked a little more relaxed, it obviously wasn’t too far from where she lived.

“I don’t normally do this, you know, I, Bucky…” Her voice tailed off and she looked everywhere but at you. You felt for her, the obvious awkwardness and attempts to make polite small talk were painful.

How many times had you heard it now? Bucky managed to exude an air of trustworthiness that meant far more women than you’d imagine were willing to come home with him, surely not recommended these days. But Bucky was pure charm, made everyone feel special and before they knew it, they were whirled along in the force of his personality, straight into his bed.

“Hey, I’m not judging!” you reassured her. “You’re not hurting anyone. None of anyone’s business what you do!”

She smiled, and put her coffee cup down, then pulled a piece of paper and pen out of her bag.

“Bucky seemed pretty out of it, I didn’t want to wake him.” She smiled slightly. “I didn’t want to spoil the illusion to be honest, but can you give him my number?” You liked her honesty, the way she recognized that the glamour of wherever they’d met might not match the reality of a hungover Bucky. Still though, she passed you the piece of paper. You felt the usual flash of pity, thinking of the number of times you’d been here before, especially as you got a good sense from her. But you nodded, as you always did, and then went to let her out.

As you shut the apartment door behind her, you heard Bucky’s door open and his head - bleary eyed and messy haired - appeared, peering surreptitiously around the doorframe.

“Has she gone? Mary?” His voice was croaky, he’d obviously been smoking again, he only did that on nights when he drank, although these had become a lot more frequent recently.

“May. Her name was May. Yes, she’s gone. She seemed nice, she’s left her number, I assume you’re going to ignore it like all the others because god forbid you made a connection with someone rather than just fucking them then leaving me and Steve to pick up the pieces?!”

You weren’t quite sure where this had come from, you’d been thinking it for a while but today it had got to you. The fact you were exhausted didn’t help - your bedroom shared a wall with Bucky’s and May had been more vocal than Bucky’s usual guests. Maybe it was time to ask Steve to swap rooms, get some respite.

Bucky came into the kitchen, his hands held up as if to fend off an attack.  
“Hey, woah, dude, sorry! Look you don’t have to pick up anything! I’ll call her, I will, tell her it was a one-off, OK?”

He picked up the piece of paper from the counter and poured himself some coffee. Damn it, you knew he WAS sorry, he was so damn good hearted, it’s why he hated to see the hurt in anyone’s eyes, why he’d beg you to be the one to deal with it. Deep down, he knew it was cowardly, but you and Steve were suckers for someone as eager to please, and as sad inside, as Bucky.

He loved women, loved making them feel great about themselves, loved making them feel like the most important person in a room, loved giving them a great time in bed. He just didn’t want them around because he didn’t feel loveable. It was hard to stay pissed at someone like that, it was a little too close to kicking a puppy. You let out a sigh of exasperation.

“Just stop being so fucking charming OK. I’m always the bad guy who has to say you’re not interested, they still love you!”

He knew he was forgiven at that, so within an instant his arms were around you and he’d picked you up, nuzzling his nose into the side of your neck to make you squeal.

“Ah you’re the best friend anyone could have! I’ll make it up to you, I will! Just, I need coffee and a shower and breakfast and some sleep and then I am yours to command”. You beat your hands on his head until he put you down, not that you didn’t enjoy the close contact and the feel of his arms around you.

“I am showering first, you can wait. Even though you stink of smoke.” Your eyes narrowed and you glared at Bucky. “Something you said you’d quit!”

He had the grace to look shamefaced as you stalked back to your room, shutting the door firmly behind you. You were going to gather some clothes up to take to the bathroom but the bed looked too inviting and you decided to lie down again, just for five minutes.

Three hours later, you were woken by the smell of coffee and bacon nearby. You opened your eyes and looked up to see Bucky - now showered and dressed and smelling a whole lot better - sitting in a chair next to your bed, eating bacon and toast. There was a plate on the cupboard next to you and two cups of coffee. Bucky grinned at you and put his feet up on your bed, holding onto the plate on his lap as it threatened to tip.

“How long have you been there?” You sat up and grabbed at the coffee, then at a piece of bacon with your fingers.

“Few minutes. You look cute when you sleep. Even when you dribble and snore” He snickered as you scowled at him and then moaned in pleasure, there really was something about the coffee Bucky made. Bucky put his empty plate down on the floor and climbed onto the bed, nudging you to move over as he got under the covers with you. You’d spent many hours talking in bed together, had slept together (in the most innocent sense of the word), you had to try and focus now on the fact this was your pal, your buddy, your Bucky and the fact that his thigh was touching yours was absolutely fine.

There was a knock at the door and Steve came in. He saw you both in bed and bounced onto the bed, giant puppy-like, to climb in on the other side of you. Sandwiched between two much taller men made you feel protected normally, but you were also now even more conscious that shuffling over to give Steve room had pressed you even closer to Bucky. His warmth was soaking through your pyjamas and leaving your skin tingling, and you could smell shampoo and minty toothpaste. On the other side, Steve’s hair was still damp from a shower too, and you were suddenly aware that you were the only unwashed person in the bed.

“So what’s the plan for today then?” Steve asked. You’d spent enough weekends all lying in bed binge-watching Netflix that it was assumed this was the plan today. Hell, it did seem like a great plan, especially if you could stay snuggled up to Bucky. And Steve, obviously. They were both your best friends, nothing different in your feelings about the two of them! But first, a shower.

You clambered out from in between them and grabbed the TV remote from the table at the end of the bed.

“You choose something; I’m going to shower. Then Buck owes us more good coffee, and later on he can go out and pick up lunch too.” You ignored his groans about how unfair this treatment was, knowing Steve would agree with you, then taking some clothes with you, finally made it into the bathroom for your shower.

You did spend the day binge-watching TV, and you did make Bucky go out to pick up lunch from the deli. In fact, you and Steve decided between you to spend the day picking on Bucky - with love of course - so you teased him about his bad behaviour, insisted he make coffee, and bring you icecream, and eventually, when he pouted and complained that you were mean, Steve held down his legs while you tickled his feet until he screamed. It was a good day. The last you were going to have for a while, as it turned out.

Once you’d decided to end Bucky’s suffering, you all made the decision to get up and adult for a while. Laundry, cleaning, bills… all the fun things, before getting back together in the evening. You were stripping your bed and sorting laundry, when you heard Bucky walk down the hall towards his room, on the phone to someone. He walked into his room, still talking, and you could hear him laughing through the wall. You took your pile of washing down to the laundry room, loaded it all up, stopped to collect the post, and he was still talking and laughing when you got back to your room. You smiled to yourself, it was good to hear.

By the time you’d all finished your chores, and Steve had ordered in Chinese food, it was evening. You and Steve were sitting on the couch chatting, his head in your lap and your feet on the coffee table. Bucky came walking in, dressed up much smarter than usual for your evenings in.

“Sorry guys, I’m going to have to leave you two to eat my noodles for me.” He sat down on the arm of the couch to lace up his shoes. “Got a date.” He looked up at you both and grinned, as Steve sat up and you both stared at him.

“Since when do you have dates? Your usual plan is to drag us out to a club, abandon us and then turn up back here with someone hours later!” Steve put into words what you were thinking, with a slight sinking feeling in your stomach.

“Blame her,” he pointed at you. “Had a go at me for never ringing anyone back, so I rang May. She seems great, so we’re going out tonight.” He clutched at his heart, faking a heart attack. “I know the shock may kill us all,” he laughed as he mock-collapsed next to you on the couch, then sprang up, kissed you both on the forehead and left. Your sinking feeling sank even further.

Obviously you had to hide your feelings from Steve, you really didn’t want to open up that can of worms, so you went along with his jokes about needing to buy hats for the wedding and cracked your own about how beautiful their kids would be. You ate the takeout although you didn’t taste it, and you went through the motions of TV watching, Steve’s head back in your lap. After an hour or so, he looked up at you and spoke.  
“Can I tell you something?” You nodded and found the remote to turn off the TV. “I’ve met someone. Someone I really like. I want you and Buck to meet him.”

This was something big. Since coming out, Steve had dated a few times but nothing significant, and nobody he’d actually asked you to meet, as opposed to accidental meetings in the hallway and kitchen.

Steve sat up. He was a little flushed and he had the sweetest smile as he babbled away about this new guy - Sam - and how they’d met and how they’d been out a couple of times and how great Sam was and how funny Sam was and how cute Sam was and Sam said this amazing thing and Sam did that amazing thing… yeah, Steve had it bad. It was about time too, he was the kindest man you’d ever known; he had an overdeveloped sense of duty and care, always wanting to find the best in everyone and be the best for everyone, and it was great to see him so happy.

“Now we gotta find you someone! If I’ve got Sam, and Bucky gets together with May, we’ll need to triple date!”

Well that was a kick to the teeth. Not that Steve knew of course, but it sure stirred up images of being the gooseberry, the third wheel - no, make that the fifth wheel. You could feel the self-pity starting to hit. Damn it, you wanted your friends to be happy, you just wanted Bucky to be happy with YOU.  
Steve was still chatting away about Sam, and then decided he needed to ring Sam, and that maybe you could all get together next Friday. You nodded and smiled, and he wandered off to his room to get his phone as you gently banged your head against the back of the couch and grimaced. With a sigh, you got up and started to clear away, chucking takeout boxes into the trash and putting dishes and glasses into the sink. It was only 10.30 but you’d had enough and decided to head to bed, earplugs in.

Sunday morning you were the first up and first into the shower. Bucky’s keys were by the door so he was obviously in, and Steve’s door was shut so he hadn’t gone out for a run yet. You enjoyed the silence for a good hour or so before Steve appeared, dressed for a run and full of smiles. He gave you a big hug, then grinned as he said he was going to meet Sam for a run, and that they’d agreed to all go out on Friday. You hugged him back, delighting in his happiness and he set off.

A little later, you were sitting in an armchair in a patch of sunlight, feet pulled up beneath you, reading and drinking coffee, when you heard Bucky’s door open.

“Morning sunshine, get me another cup when you get yours” you said, waving your now-empty mug without looking up from your book. When there was no response, you raised your head and saw May.

“Crap, sorry, I thought you were Bucky!” You jumped up from the chair and headed to the kitchen. “Let me get you some coffee?”

At that moment, Bucky appeared. He was one of the few people you knew who could look that good in the morning, hair all over the place, bags under his eyes, wearing an ancient pair of sweatpants with holes at the knees. He put his arms around May from behind and she leant back into the embrace as he spoke to you.

“Is there enough coffee for me too?”

You used the opportunity to turn and check, glad not to have to see them so close, and busied yourself in making fresh coffee, fetching out milk and sugar. You knew you needed to turn around, talk, make May feel welcome. You took in a steadying breath and turned, two cups of coffee in your hands.

You made small talk for a few minutes, while Bucky beamed at you in pleasure and nuzzled at May’s neck. Even she seemed to find it slightly excessive, and gave him a light slap, shooing him off. He sauntered off to shower, leaving you and May to make slightly awkward conversation. Thankfully it was only a minute or two until Steve came in from his run. You took the opportunity to introduce them to each other, only hesitating slightly as you said ‘this is May, Bucky’s…friend’. Steve, polite and endearing as ever, made easy conversation even as he stood there dripping with sweat. You fetched him a glass of water from the kitchen and then, hearing Bucky come back into the room, dressed, took the opportunity to make a break for your own room. You curled up in your bed and tried not to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You avoid Bucky all week but when you meet Sam, he may pick up on something the others are oblivious to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not using Tumblr any more now so this is where I'll be updating, if I do :/

You stayed in your room reading for most of the day, venturing out when you thought the coast was clear, then had an early night, having successfully avoided both your housemates all day. You left for work early on Monday and got back late, legitimately putting in overtime to get work done. You did the same on Tuesday, but on Wednesday got home a little earlier and walked into the apartment to find Bucky and Steve both eating and talking.

“Hey babe, saved some for you!” Bucky called, waving at the spaghetti on the table. You found a plate and cutlery in the kitchen and joined them at the table, dishing up some food and pulling up a chair. Almost immediately, you wished you hadn’t. The two men were discussing their new loves, Sam and May, gushing over all the cute things they did and their plans for the weekend and despite their partners not being there, you felt like a gooseberry.

You wolfed down your food, giving yourself indigestion on the way and had dumped your bowl into the sink before the two men, who’d started before you, had even finished. Without saying a word, you dashed for your room and shut the door a little more forcefully than you intended. You knew Bucky and Steve must be wondering what the hell was up with you but you couldn’t face trying to come up with an excuse. Instead you flung yourself around your room, tidying and putting away clothes, slamming drawers closed, all while muttering ‘fuck it all’ under your breath. Normally in the evening, you’d all hang out together, playing cards or watching TV or reading, or just being in the same room, but tonight you just wanted to hide. Of course, they didn’t know that.

You heard a knock on the door, and flung it open to see Steve, looking startled at the grim expression on your face.

“Um, we were just going to watch a movie… if you wanted to?” He almost took a step back as your glower worsened. You needed to get a hold of yourself, the last thing you needed was for them to start probing too deeply.

“Sorry, no. Thanks. Just a bad day at work, I’m not great company.” You faked a smile and closed the door, leaving Steve confused in the corridor outside.

“Fuck it all. ”You repeated softly as you threw yourself down on the bed. You knew you had to find a way to get over this. Steve and Bucky were your best friends. You loved them both, you had to be happy for their happiness. That’s what friends did. And you WERE happy for Steve. It was adorable seeing him gushing over his new boyfriend and you couldn’t wait to meet Sam so you could tease Steve mercilessly and threaten to bring out the embarrassing photos. But Bucky? You wanted to see that happiness in his eyes when he talked about you, not May. It would have been easier if you could have hated May but from what you’d seen and heard so far, she was great. And great for Bucky, an ideal match. Which only made it all the harder that you wished her far away and Bucky with you. These feelings for Bucky had simmered for so long, but you’d been able to cope, just about, knowing that he was interested in his one-night stands for one thing only, and that it was you he cared about, even if it was just as a friend. But now, that there was someone else he was making a connection with? Sheer ugly self-pitying jealousy.

It was still early but you were trapped in your room and couldn’t settle to anything, so you got ready for bed, fully aware that you wouldn’t be sleeping well tonight.

Thursday morning you dragged yourself out of bed after a night of tossing and turning, and rushed your way through your morning routine, managing to get out of the apartment without having to say much more than a hasty ‘morning’ to Bucky and Steve. You stayed late at work again, then went for a swim, aiming to keep away from home as long as possible as well as wearing yourself out. Logically you knew you couldn’t do this forever but right now it was all a bit raw.  
You got home late and headed straight past the living room, just yelling ‘hi, bye’ at the men who looked at each other, puzzled, as your bedroom door shut firmly behind you.  
You repeated the pattern on Friday, early start, late at work, swim, home and into your room, but this time you didn’t get away with it. You’d forgotten that Steve had arranged for you to meet Sam tonight. As soon as you were in your room, he was knocking on the door.

“Hey, where have you been? We’re supposed to meet Sam in twenty minutes, I’ve been calling you!” You’d turned your phone off when you went swimming and hadn’t put it back on, but you could see that Steve was a bit frantic now. “I’ve talked you up so much, you’ve got ten minutes to make yourself look beautiful, come on baby!”

You couldn’t let Steve down, no matter what. This mattered to him. You hugged him in apology, then pushed him out of the room so you could change. You tried to keep your mind away from the thought that you could be the spare part in a double date.

Ten minutes later, you were back in the front room, glad you’d showered at the pool, and in clean and slightly more presentable clothes. You were only going to the local bar so you hadn’t glammed up - and you didn’t feel in the right mood - but at least with a bit of make up and some heels you could pass for acceptable.

Bucky and Steve were waiting, Steve jiggling nervously from foot to foot, obviously excited to see Sam and introduce him to you both. You hadn’t spoken to Bucky properly all week but just the sight of him, hair all every which way, jeans and boots scruffy, just how you liked him, and you could feel your breathing speed up.

“Babe, where’ve you been!” Bucky grabbed you into a tight hug, digging his chin into the top of your head. “I haven’t seen you in aaages, you need to come get drunk and tell us what’s up at work that’s got you so worked up!” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, then let you go. “Let’s go meet Steve’s little Sammy then,” he teased his friend, winking at you. You forced a smile and took a deep breath.

On the way downstairs, you decided to try and take yourself in hand. You gave yourself a mental talking to as the two men walked in front of you, chatting. Time to man up. Bucky was happy. Be a supportive friend. Get to know May. Kill her… No, turn your thoughts away from that! Get to know May, enjoy your friend’s happiness. Ugh. You gave yourself a mental shake again and spoke.

“So is May meeting us there, for this double date?”

“Nah, May can’t come, said she’s got to visit family upstate,” Bucky called over his shoulder to you. You tried not to feel relieved.

Once you made it to the bar, Steve took a quick look around before spotting Sam waiting in one of the booths, a beer in front of him. You saw Sam look up and see Steve at the same time, and the look of delight on his face was enough to make you melt. Despite yourself, you nudged Bucky and both grinned at each other, saying ‘awwww’ to Steve in unison. Steve was oblivious though, heading straight over to where Sam was now standing, and the two kissing each other deeply.

You joined them while Bucky headed to the bar to get all of you a drink, and slid into the booth opposite Sam, shaking his hand as Steve introduced you. Sam seemed genuinely taken with Steve, which meant you already liked him, but as you chatted, you quickly came to like him for himself as well.

Bucky had brought you all over two rounds, to save on queueing, and you enjoyed relaxing after a tense week. Despite yourself, you were very aware that where Bucky was sitting next to you in the booth, his leg was warm against yours, and as you drank your drinks - and then Steve went up for more - you found yourself moving closer, just to enjoy that temporary feeling. The part of your brain that was sober told you to stop, but you and Bucky had always had a physical relationship anyway - from pillow fights to massages - and so surely it wasn’t THAT far off normal behaviour?

By the time Sam had come back with yet another round, you were all pretty far gone and you’d already brought out the embarrassing stories about Steve, making Sam howl with laughter; Steve throw a beer mat at you; and Bucky choke on his beer, eventually snorting some out of his nose. You leant against his shoulder, weak with laughter, and beyond the point where you could remember that he was someone else’s now.

As you all grinned at each other drunkenly, Sam put his arm around Steve’s shoulders.

“So Stevie has told me loads about you three and what you all get up to, but he hasn’t mentioned how long you two’ve been together? I bet there’s a story there, right?!”  
You stiffened, feeling your cheeks warm with embarrassment but hoping that the dim lighting would hide it. You started to lean away from Bucky and opened your mouth to speak, when Bucky suddenly slapped the table and belted out a laugh.

“Us? Together? No way! I’ve seen what she’s like when she hasn’t had enough sleep, it’s like some kind of killer zombie from hell! Plus I’ve seen her morning hair, sheesh!” He cracked up at his own jokes again, while you felt yourself freeze. Steve was giggling too but Sam obviously noticed the hurt in your eyes as your two best friends sniggered and came out with more and more insults and jokes at the thought of dating you. 'Had you SEEN the mess she lives in?', 'Woah, if you catch her on a day she hasn't shaved, you'd need a machete', 'she's more one of the guys than the real guys!'. You tried very hard not to let your eyes well up; you knew Bucky - and Steve - had seen you at your worst at times, but you thought you were all friends, you didn’t realise you were just a joke.

You stood up, stumbling slightly with the alcohol, and pushed past Bucky, who looked surprised as you shoved his legs out of the way.

“Hey, babe, where’re you going?!”

You headed for the bathroom, knowing you needed to sober up a bit before you went home. You quickly splashed cold water on your face, your emotions a mixture of anger, shame, humiliation and rejection. Drying your face and hands, you knew you just had to leave.

You made your way out of the bathroom and were about to head back to the booth to get your bag when you could hear familiar raised voices. There was a partition wall separating the doors to the bathroom from the rest of the bar, and you stood behind it, unseen, to listen.

“No, I _know_ I don’t know her yet, but that would have hurt anyone!” That was Sam’s voice, slurring slightly but obviously trying to hammer something home.

“Look, I told you, we were just kidding. She knows we love her!” That was Bucky, sounding defensive.

“Yeah, well she’s obviously upset so maybe she doesn’t know it! Y’know, it’s not THAT nice to laugh hysterically at the suggestion you’re in a relationship with someone, is all I’m saying.”

"Trust me Sam," you could hear Steve slurring now. "She knows we love her, it's allll gooood." 

Shit. You were too drunk to know how to handle this, so you went for the simple option. Walk to the booth (stumbling slightly. Heels were dumb). Grab bag. Ignore Bucky reaching for your hand. Leave.

You’d deal with an explanation in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam knows what you're feeling even if Steve and Bucky are oblivious.  
> And what are you feeling? Humiliated, unloved... all the fun things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just going to dump all the chapters I've already written on here.

You didn’t deal with an explanation in the morning.

After you left the bar, you jumped in a cab as quickly as you could - one of the first times an empty cab was actually there when you needed one, as opposed to the usual standing around in the cold and waiting. You didn’t look back because you weren’t sure which would be worse: to see that Bucky or Steve had followed you out, concerned; or to see that they hadn’t.

“Where to?” The driver was looking at you in the mirror. You gave your address then slumped back in the seat. Your head was fuzzy and spinning slightly with the alcohol and holding back tears was making your throat hurt. Luckily you’d gone to a fairly local bar so within ten minutes you were home and paying the driver.

You got yourself a big glass of water and headed to the bathroom to wash up then back to your room as quickly as possible. A big part of you knew that the guys weren’t about to burst in to smooth away your worries and tell you they loved you. That wasn’t how they worked. Whatever Sam had said, you knew they’d dismiss it, you were ‘one of the guys’, you highly doubted they could see you like that. But there was still a bit of you that was hoping that they’d turn up. You were feeling so humiliated by what you’d heard, and by the way you’d reacted, and you wanted someone to hug you and tell you that of course you were loveable and adorable and wonderful and UGH. Needy. Stupid.

You put on your pyjamas and got into bed, turning off the light even though you didn’t think you’d sleep (and you couldn’t shut your eyes without the room spinning anyway). You listened out but it was hours later that you heard the apartment door open and the incredibly noisy sound of drunk men trying to be quiet. Lots of loud shushing followed by giggles. The sound of someone knocking over a chair. The staggering sound of people trying to walk in a straight line into the kitchen. The thud of a cupboard door being shut too hard, and then whoosh of the tap being turned on too hard as someone got a drink.

The apartment was only small, and the men were big enough to be noisy even at the best of times so their attempts at a whispered conversation were loud enough that you could easily hear them from your room. You identified three voices - Sam had obviously come back too. He’d seemed great and you were thrilled for Steve but angry and embarrassed that you hadn’t been able to get to know him properly because you’d left. You were starting to sober up now and you wished you’d handled it differently. You could have laughed that you’d never be seen dead with someone like Bucky; you could have made some kind of crude joke about ‘tried it, didn’t like it’. You could just have brushed it off but alcohol plus unrequited love didn’t make for the best decisions and your reaction had probably just drawn attention to yourself.

You heard more stumbling and then Steve’s door at the end of the hallway open and close, then a few seconds later, the sound of footsteps stopping outside your door.

“Hey babe, you ‘wake?” Bucky’s whisper echoed drunkenly through the door. You held yourself stiffly as if he’d be able to sense the slightest muscle movement.

“Baaaaaabe? I’m druuuuuunk. I neeeeeed a hug”. Drunk Bucky was always affectionate - heck, sober Bucky was like a giant puppy, constantly wanting to be tangled around someone or leaning on them; drunk Bucky was like a living teddy bear, wanting to be held. You were usually more than up for that, any excuse really, and you and Bucky were often found on a Saturday morning, wrapped around each other and blearily bargaining with each other to be the one to get up and bring breakfast back.

But not tonight. Not if you were a ‘killer zombie from hell with crap morning hair’. OK, as insults went, it wasn’t the worst you’d ever heard, but it was the laughing and the look in Bucky’s eyes - and Steve’s - at the idea of dating you, not just their words, and so you kept yourself still and didn’t answer, until you heard Bucky’s door open and close behind him.

\--

The next morning came much too soon and much too bright. There was a damn bird somewhere, singing down a megaphone; the sun was on some kind of extreme setting; and your stomach was currently on a spin cycle. Oh, and something had died in your mouth and not been given a proper burial. Hangovers were the worst.

After you’d heard Bucky’s door shut, you’d finally let yourself cry. You weren’t really sure what the tears were about, you’d had thoughts tumbling around your head about May, about Bucky, about your future, about loneliness, feeling humiliated and stupid and angry and it was probably just a potent mix of alcohol and emotion but it hurt.

And now everything hurt. Your feet hurt from wearing heels, your eyes hurt from crying, your head hurt from alcohol and your heart hurt. It was Saturday morning and you couldn’t go to work for another 48 hours. You felt stupid too, embarrassed at not being ‘one of the guys’ and taking a joke, because of your feelings; embarrassed that Sam’s first impression of you was drunk idiot (and hairy zombie). Ugh. You were going to have to bluff it out.

You desperately needed water, a shower, clean clothes, and all of that meant leaving your room. You cracked the door slightly but couldn’t hear anything and thought you were safe but when you got to the living room you saw Steve, Sam, and Bucky, all lying on couches, wrapped in blankets and surrounded by water glasses, pain killer packets and the overwhelming stench of stale beer and hangovers. You hadn’t heard them in there because it seemed the noise of the film they were watching was too much for their heads to cope with, so they had the TV on mute and the subtitles on.

Steve was the first to notice you, waving a bleary hand and trying to pull himself upright.

“Hey, where’d you go last night in such a hurry?”

Time to bluff.

“Oh, yeah, just had too much to drink, y’know. Felt ill and needed to get home. Sorry.”

You headed into the kitchen as you spoke, finding it easier to lie with your back turned, but when you headed back into the living room, glass of water in hand, Sam was sitting up and looking at you. And it looked as if he didn’t believe a word you said.

“Um. Hi. Sam. Sorry I had to run off like that, guess I drank a bit too much too quickly. It was good to meet you though!” Your voice tailed off, he was giving you a really sweet, sympathetic smile and you vaguely remembered Steve saying he was, what, a counsellor? Psychologist? Damn, it looked like he was a mind reader. You felt your face heat up, you WERE too hungover for this, and backing away, you headed back to your room. Bucky hadn’t looked up once the whole time.

You spent another few hours in bed, nursing your hangover, then showered, changed the sheets, opened the windows and decided to brave some food. All three men were still on the couches, although the volume was at least up on the TV now.

“It stinks in here guys. I’m going to go pick up some food. Any orders?”

That was good. Keep it light, friendly. Steve and Bucky grunted some orders at you and Sam, more politely, asked for his coffee and Danish, and you headed out. You walked slowly, both to enjoy the fresh air, lifting your headache, but also to stay away as long as possible. There’s only so much dawdling you can do on a one-block walk though and so you were soon home again.

By the time you got home, the men at least had made some efforts. Sam had showered, Steve was in the shower now, and Bucky was folding up blankets and putting glasses back into the kitchen. The windows were open and the man/beer/sweat smell was thankfully dissipating.

Sam took the coffee and pastries and headed back to Steve’s room, giving you a sweet smile on the way. You had to find a way to get to know him better, put this awkwardness behind you. Talking of awkward, now it was just you and Bucky alone in the living room.

“You feelin’ better babe? We did drink a lot last night, guess we were all taking things a bit far, right?” Ah, he was testing you here. Did you remember what he’d said, were you affected by it? Could he pass it off as drunken hi-jinks? 

“I guess you really weren’t feeling great either. Knocked on your door when we got back, you didn’t hear I guess?” He looked at you questioningly, hoping that his take on things was going to be the accepted version. This was Bucky. Of course you’d let him get away with anything.

“Yeah, think I crashed out pretty deeply, I didn’t hear you knock. Sorry.”You smiled at the relief you saw as you both accepted each other’s lies. “You’d think I’d learn by now, can’t take my drink!”

Bucky pulled you in for a hug. Say what you like about how he treated you sometimes, you knew that he had your back. He cared about you. It’s just that he saw you as a little sister. Or worse, a little brother. Someone you cared about and teased and, no wait. He probably saw you as the family dog. He was ruffling your hair now, that was just one step up from scratching your ears.

“Missed you. You know I like my hugs when I’m drunk! Damn, you’re just going to have to stay sober, just for me”. He gave you one of those devastating smiles and went off to shower himself. He was obviously happy now that everything was OK. It’s a shame you didn’t feel the same.

Bucky was oblivious all weekend to any tension, and although you saw Steve eyeing you sidelong a few times, you suspected it was only because Sam might have said something (and Sam was SOOO clever and SOO funny and SOOO sweet… yeah, ok Steve, enough!). You maintained a breezy happy air the whole weekend, until Steve stopped eyeing you, obviously assuming Sam had misread the situation as he didn’t know you yet.

And then, Sunday lunchtime, you were all eating on the couches. You’d been getting to know Sam better and were starting to join Steve in the Sam Fan Club (he really WAS so clever and so funny and so sweet, and he did that cute thing and he was so handsome!) and you were relaxing. Right up until Bucky’s phone rang and he answered it.

“May baby! You back in the city now? You’ve missed me right, mm, wanna come over and hook up?!”

Your smile felt fixed now. What was it facial muscles were supposed to do? And, shit, had you been in the middle of a sentence? You tried to continue where you’d left off but the stumble in the middle had been noticeable. You were trying really hard not to listen in to Bucky’s end of the phone conversation when you looked up and met Sam’s eyes.

He knew. There was no doubt about it. Steve and Bucky might be oblivious, they’d known you too long maybe, but Sam had come in and diagnosed your unrequited feelings in an instant. He gave you a small smile, and reached over, squeezing your knee gently. That was almost too much to bear, the sympathy and understanding. With Steve looking on, utterly confused by the silent communion between the two of you, as you got up and left the room.

For the rest of the week, you buried yourself in work again. You got compliments from your manager on your work ethic and on solving a complex problem that had been causing problems, so that was something, but although your brain was occupied, your heart wasn’t. You were avoiding the apartment as much as possible, not wanting to see Bucky but also not wanting to see Sam - or Steve, in case Sam had talked to him about it. It was pretty humiliating. Unrequited love. Like a teenager for god’s sake. You shook yourself a few times, you felt like you were making a big deal out of this, but then you’d lie in bed until 2 or 3am, and you’d hear Bucky’s voice running through your head, telling you how wonderful May was, or laughing at what a disaster you were, and it hurt, damn it. It really hurt.

Friday night came and you were resisting the efforts of your friends to go out drinking, telling them that after feeling so ill the week before, you thought you’d just stay in for the night. Feeling relieved you’d got away with it, you were just THRILLED to hear Bucky call out, as he went out.

“May’s back tomorrow, so she’ll be here all weekend! Gonna be way better than all the phone sex, seeing her. Can’t wait for you to get to know her too. My girlfriend and my friendgirl!”

The door shut behind him just in time so he didn’t have to see you mouthing ‘oh crap.’


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day with Wanda and some flirting with a stranger in a bar makes the whole 'Bucky doesn't care about me' thing a little easier.

Hiding is pure cowardice, everyone knows that. The mature thing is to face your problems head on, like an adult. Tackle them with maturity. Be brave.

Sod that.

So by the time the guys had come back, Bucky full of happiness that you’d be spending the day with May, you had your excuse ready.

“I’m really sorry Bucky, I’d planned a day with Wanda, like, aaages ago.” Well, about an hour ago, when you’d called her and said you’d be over early Saturday morning and even if she wasn’t there, you were going to hide in her room for the day. Luckily Wanda had no plans, and she knew about your Bucky issues, so she was happy to play along. Bucky pouted a bit but there wasn’t much he could do about it. You were torn between annoyance and finding it very sweet. You hadn’t realised how much he wanted approval - Steve’s, yours, anyone’s. It was as if he couldn’t trust that he was making the right decisions for himself unless someone else told him. But right now, you didn’t have it in you to be his reassuring prop.

So, Wanda’s on Saturday. That was one day dealt with anyway. No doubt you’d be listening to May and Bucky all Saturday night (note to self, buy earplugs) and you’d have to play nice on Sunday but at least it was a start.

Saturday morning, you headed to Wanda’s apartment early, long before Bucky was awake or May had arrived. She opened the door still in her pyjamas, hair a mess, but you knew each other well enough not to care. She grunted and pointed at the coffee machine then headed off to shower, and you made coffee and unpacked the Apology Pastries you’d bought, as a way of thanking her for putting up with you.

When she reappeared, dressed, washed, looking slightly less furious with the world, you were lying on the sofa idly reading the news on your phone. She eyed you for a minute, taking in your body language and general demeanour.

“You’ve got it bad haven’t you?” Jeez, it was like she was a mind reader. She’d always known what you were thinking. “OK, you’ve got thirty minutes, then we’re going full Bechdel.”

You grinned at her. That was your shorthand for not talking purely about men. So for half an hour, you moaned and whined and cried a bit and told her about May - and how that was all on you - and about how Bucky and Steve thought you were undateable, and how fucking lonely you were. It all sounded so pathetic but you both knew just what emotions could do and she was completely sympathetic.

“Honest answer. There’s nothing you can do. Bucky’s taken with May, and she sounds nice. That sucks. You can cut yourself off from your best friends so you don’t have to see it played out in front of you; you can bite the bullet and tell Bucky how you feel and see what happens; or you can smile sweetly, get to know May, enjoy their happiness, and go out and get yourself laid. Loudly.”  
“I hate you. You and your logic and rational thinking. Why isn’t ‘murder May and lock Bucky in my bedroom forever’ an option?” You grinned at Wanda as you said it though, she did have the knack of   
cutting through the crap and making you feel better.

“OK, that’s it, time’s up. No talk about Bucky or any other guy, except in a non-romantic context.”

And that’s how you spent the day. It had been too long since you’d seen Wanda anyway so it was good to hear about her work progress, her holiday plans, to go out to eat lunch together in the park, tell her about the new TV series you’d found. Hours passed quickly and she only had to punch you once when she saw you eyeing a couple walking hand-in-hand and sighing, misty-eyed.

“Nuh uh. There’s more to life than romance. You can manage a day without.”

You rubbed your arm and lay back in the grass. Wanda filled you in on her twin’s life, on course for the Olympics next year and you felt good. By 7, it was time to head back though, and so you hugged Wanda at her door gratefully and walked back home.

As you approached the apartment, the good mood of the day started to falter, but you could practically hear Wanda’s voice in your head, telling you that your worst fears weren’t THAT bad and that you could do this, and so, steeling yourself, you opened the front door.

The apartment was empty. Well that made things easier. You spotted a note pinned to your bedroom door. It was in Steve’s writing.

‘Gone to the bar, come join us if you get this in time. You left your phone behind? S’

Time to woman up. You changed clothes quickly, everything you were wearing covered in grass and… were those ice cream stains? Better clothes and make up gave you a false sense of security, then it was off to meet up.

When you got to the bar, it was pretty crowded and you had to stand on tiptoe to peer around and spot your friends. There was a band getting ready to play up near the front but they’d managed to get a booth near the back. You counted heads - that was Bucky, that was Steve, those were Sam and May. And so one more makes… uncomfortable. Steve saw your head pop up over the crowd and gave you a wave as the others all turned to see.

You hadn’t realised that in peering around, you’d put your hand on the back of someone near you for balance, thinking you were holding onto a table. The someone turned around and gave you a cheeky smile.

“Shit, sorry! I thought you were a table! I was just looking for my friends, it’s a bit crowded”

“No problem. First time I’ve been compared to some furniture, but it could be worse.”

Hmm. He was pretty good looking actually. Maybe you could avoid the booth a bit longer with a bit of idle flirting. Not that you thought there was anything in it - your confidence had never been that high even before Bucky and Steve had torn it down - but surely you could manage some light chat to bolster you before you went to play gooseberry. You stuck a hand out and told him your name.

“Loki.” He shook your hand firmly with a charming grin. He had an unusual accent that you couldn’t quite place.

He’d turned to face you completely now, his back to the group he seemed to be with. Through a sudden gap in the crowd, you could see Bucky and Steve looking over, puzzled.

“You’re with some friends? I didn’t mean to distract you, “ you lied. You really wanted to distract him now because Bucky looked concerned and turnabout was fair play.

“It’s OK, we’re just waiting for the band to start, my brother’s on drums.” He gestured over to the stage where you could see a blond head behind a drum kit. “Can I get you a drink?” You thought for a second, technically you were here with your friends but then how often had you all gone out together and ended up chatting to someone else?

“Sure.” You both headed over to the bar, the noise level making it hard to talk so your heads were close. Your eyes definitely did not flick over to see if you were being watched and your heart definitely didn’t beat a little faster to see that Bucky had shifted his seat slightly to keep an eye on you. Nope. You felt your phone buzz in your pocket as Loki turned to order you both a beer, and quickly checked it.

‘Hey, you coming over? Who’s that? Want you to meet May. You know that guy?’ It was from Bucky.

‘Sure, over later x’

That would do. You lifted your head up from the phone to see Loki holding a bottle of beer out for you.

“Are you supposed to be meeting someone? Am I holding you up?”

“I’m supposed to be the spare part in my two best friend’s double dates, so now, this is much nicer.” You gave him a flirty grin as you spoke and he laughed. “So, tell me where that accent is from?”

You stayed talking to Loki for a while, it was actually really nice to meet someone new. You both touched each other’s arms a few times and ‘accidentally’ stood quite close together - hey, the bar was busy, ok. When there was a screechy noise from the mic on stage and the band started to introduce themselves, you were secretly disappointed that he was going to go.

“I promised Thor I’d go listen with his friends, so I’d better go, but I’d love to get your number. Maybe we could do this again some time when it’s less crowded?”

You grinned, passed over your phone so he could input his number and took his to add yours. The crowd had all moved towards the stage now so the back of the room where you were, was a lot clearer. You actually weren’t looking now so you didn’t know if Bucky’s eyes were on you again. You gave Loki a little kiss on the cheek as you returned his phone, and as he turned his head at the same time, it was more the corner of his mouth to be honest. It was nice. And if Bucky saw, well, that was a bonus.

With a grin and a spring in your step, you left Loki to go and support his brother while you went off to be a fifth wheel.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's tension between you and Bucky, and you end up telling Steve why.  
> And then, to complicate matters, you take a certain Norwegian exchange student home with you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still just basically the chapters I wrote last year, I haven't written anything new for a good month or so. Just not feeling up to it. I only have one chapter pre-written left, so I don't know what I'll do after that.
> 
> Please don't feel like you have to comment. I'm just dumping this up here. I'm not good at comments anyway. Sorry.

You squeezed yourself into the booth next to Steve, and opposite Bucky. May and Sam were sitting next to their respective dates. You smiled at everyone - a day with Wanda giving you some needed perspective, and a number from a handsome man giving you a boost.

“Good to see you again Sam and May; you all had a good day?” You asked the question to the table generally.

“Who was that guy? I don’t remember seeing him before.” Bucky was frowning at you, which was kind of hypocritical given that your role was generally wingman when he was in any club, bar, supermarket, park.

“His name’s Loki. We just got chatting. Cute, huh?” May, Steve and Sam all grinned at you appreciatively and Steve went so far as to high-five you when you said you’d got his number, but Bucky kept frowning.

“I thought you were coming to join us? Not pick up random guys.” 

You looked at him, startled at the animosity.

“Um, I didn’t pick him up, we were chatting. And you’re a fine one to talk. Just because you’re dating someone, doesn’t mean you haven’t got someone’s number plenty of times. Why shouldn’t I? Or is it because I’m essentially undateable?” All the good feelings from the day were wearing off fast and you felt pissed off, memories of the previous week stirred up again.

“No, I just... wanted you to be here. With me... us. And I don’t want you to get hurt by anyone.” You snorted at that. Given what he’d said about you a week before, it wasn’t strangers hurting you that you had to worry about but friends. The mood around the table had changed and you did feel guilty that you’d brought things down, this was supposed to be their date nights.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have come. I guess I’m not I the mood for fifth wheeling. Sam, May, I’m really sorry. I really do hope we can get to know each other properly soon.” You got up to leave, or maybe to look for Loki again, but you were only just out of your seat when Bucky pulled on your arm. You could see May over his shoulder, and she didn’t look pleased.

“Don’t go. Nights out aren’t the same without you, it’s no fun without you! Please? I want you around. I’m just not used to seeing you chatting up other guys.” You were torn between delight at his need for you; embarrassment and pity for May who was probably not enjoying this; and displeasure that you were apparently supposed to be waiting around for him, regardless of your own feelings.

“Buck, May doesn’t look too thrilled that you’re bothering about some other girl when you’re on a date with her.” You spoke quietly so only he could hear, careful of hurt feelings.

“Yeah, but it’s just you, it’s fine.” Wow. Less care for YOUR feelings there. That decided it. Bucky really didn’t see you as a woman let alone a date. You gave him a wry smile, patted his shoulder and waved at the others at the table.

“Go enjoy your date Buck. And maybe one day consider what you just implied about me? And maybe think about May too? We’re not both here for your convenience.” 

You felt like crying to be honest but decided to do what Wanda would suggest (OK, maybe not the ‘getting laid bit’) and go and find Loki and see if you could get a bit of an ego boost.

You pushed you way through the crowds, the music getting louder as you neared the front. You deliberately didn’t look back, but looked around for Loki. You spotted him over to one side, and headed over, tapping him on the shoulder. He spun around and looked thrilled to see you - nice to know someone was.

“Hey, what’s happened to your friends?” he was having to shout loudly in your ear. You turned our mouth to reply in his ear.

“I ditched them. Being the fifth person on a double date turns out to be pretty much no fun at all. Thought I’d see if you were still here and see what your brother’s drumming was like.” 

He gave you a grin, and grabbed a beer from a nearby table - they’d obviously bought plenty rather than queueing up too often at the bar. He gestured at some people who you thought might be the friends he’d come with, and they waved vaguely back at you with a smile. Swigging down some of the beer, you put thoughts of Bucky out of your mind.

The music was pretty good. And the beer was good too. And it turned out that Loki was a great dancer. Lots of hip action that if you had to admit did make you wonder what he’d be like in bed. By the time the band had finished, you’d drunk quite a bit of beer, been introduced via shouting to some of Loki’s friends, and had built up quite a sweat dancing with Loki. And the sweat wasn’t just from the dancing, but from the feeling of a hand on your back and hips that were occasionally grinding into yours. You hadn’t danced like this in a while and it was damn fun.

With your ears ringing and your heart pounding, it was quite a relief when the music stopped. Loki went off for a quick chat with his brother, and you could see they were discussing you at one point, both of them turning to look at you. You made polite conversation with his friends who seemed nice. 

They all had odd names but Loki had explained that the group was part of a Nordic exchange programme at the university, so that explained the slight accents, as well as a glowing Scandinavian healthy look. And an open attitude to sex, as it turned out.

When Loki came back over with his brother, you offered to buy a new round of drinks, having drunk quite a lot of everyone else’s. You and Loki headed to the bar, with your orders, and were waiting to be served, when Steve headed over to order some drinks too. You gave him a hug; whatever was going on with Bucky, Steve was a good friend and you knew he’d be mortified if he realised he’d hurt your feelings; and introduced him to Loki while you placed your order.

As you and Loki picked up the various bottles and glasses, Steve held you back for a second before you went to join the group.

“What’s going on? Everything’s been off for a couple of weeks, you’re angry with Bucky, he’s... I don’t know what he is. Sam says it’s obvious but it’s not his place to tell me. Now May’s pissed off because Buck won’t stop talking about where you’ve gone and what you’re doing.” You sighed. You really hadn’t wanted to ruin anyone’s date and you felt bad.

“I’m sorry Steve, I didn’t mean to cause tension. Me and Buck are just, I dunno, not getting on. Sam seems lovely, maybe the three of us can have a coffee tomorrow so I can get to know him? May seems great too but I don’t want to get involved there right now.” You gave him a quick peck on the cheek and turned to go but he pulled you back again.

“But why? I can’t stand seeing my best friends like this.” He looked so down that you could have cried. He was so big hearted and hated tension, and here you were, spoiling his new love. You sighed.

“Truthfully? I reckon Sam’s worked it out. I’ve been in love with Buck for years and it really hurts seeing him with someone else, especially as he - and you - made me feel completely worthless last week. So no, I don’t want to be around at the moment because hiding my feelings hurts. So I’m going to go play with my new friend and we’ll catch up tomorrow?” 

So maaaaybe you should have eased into that conversation, or had it when you were much more sober. As you turned away and walked towards Loki and his friends you could see that Steve’s jaw had dropped open and he was staring at you wide eyed. Bless him, he’d obviously been oblivious to your feelings, both those towards Buck and those he’d hurt.

When you got to the table Loki helped unload the drinks you were carrying, then put an arm around your waist.

“That one of your double date friends? What did you say to him? He looks confused!” 

You looked back over at Steve who was now standing at the bar and alternating looking at you and at Bucky, his head swinging back and forth like a man at a tennis match. It was quite sweet but you just hoped he had the sense not to say anything.

“Yeah, Steve’s just started dating that guy, Sam” you pointed towards the booth, where you could see that Sam was now heading towards Steve, a puzzled look on his face, while May appeared to have wrapped herself around Bucky and was nibbling his ear. Look away from that... You swung your head away, and towards Loki and realised just how close you were standing now. Your lips were practically touching, so you decided to move that extra inch, fuelled by the sight of Bucky and May. You leant in for a kiss, the pulled back to see his reaction. Luckily it was a positive one, as Loki’s lips followed yours.

Maybe Wanda had been right. Maybe you did just need to get laid. Maybe it would be the thing that fixed everything. Or maybe you’d end up feeling worse. But it sure as hell felt like a good idea to you now, with Loki’s arm pulling you closer, and those dancing hips pressing up against yours.

So, back to those Scandinavian attitudes to sex. Loki was pretty upfront about what he wanted, from the whispers in your ear, and it was a pleasant change from pretending to be a ‘good girl’ (who the hell is one these days anyway?). Right now, you wanted to feel desirable and to show Bucky that you were wanted. OK, maybe not _show_ him, you weren’t into exhibitionism. But in our head, you were thinking ‘that’ll show Bucky’. Which is obviously the best reason for sleeping with someone else...

“Wanna come home?” You pulled yourself even closer to Loki to speak into his ear.

“Absolutely. Let me tell my brother I’m going.” You nodded and he pulled away. As you turned back around you realised you were still standing by the table where all his friends were chatting. You smiled, slightly awkwardly, and realised that actually none of them had either cared or noticed that you’d been having a pretty full on moaning make out session a few feet away.

While you waited, not really up to desultory chat with Loki’s friends, you _may_ have turned around slightly to see what was going on in the booth at the back. It looked like they were getting ready to go too - well, hello awkward walk home! Sam and Steve were grabbing coats and standing up, and as you looked over, Steve glanced your way and caught your eye. He looked as if he was going to come over, but then Sam held onto his hand, and gave you a wave. Steve paused, and smiled with one side of his mouth, then blew a kiss.

Bucky and May meanwhile, were still wrapped up in each other, despite trying to stand up from behind the booth. You looked away, determined not to care, just as Loki got back.

“Shall we?” He wrapped an arm around you as he spoke. “I’d take you back to mine but I share a room with my brother and he’s asked me not to.” Well that was a relief, still not into exhibitionism.

“I don’t live far. And I have my own room” you smiled. “Although it’s a three bedroom apartment and I get the feeling there’s going to be six people in it tonight...” He looked up and noticed that the booth was empty as Sam, Steve, Bucky and May headed to the door.

“Competition?” He asked and you laughed, and pulled him towards the door. When you got outside the bar, you decided that you really couldn’t walk home in that close proximity to everyone else, so you pulled Loki into a nearby doorway and spent ten minutes... occupying yourselves. It had been way too long since you’d done this. Loki was very good with his tongue, and with his hands. And his teeth. And if you hadn’t been backed up against a door, his body pressed up against yours, you probably would have crumbled, weak at the knees. Eventually you pulled away for a gasp of air, and he grinned down at you.

“Oh tonight is going to be fun. Let’s go?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol leads you to a little overly competitive sex, but everything's OK afterwards, right? Even with awkward conversations and bacon theft...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the chapters i had written last year. I'm really :/ about writing anything any more these days so I kind of wish I hadn't started uploading these because i hate unfinished things. But yeah. Maybe. Don't know. Sorry.

If you look in a dictionary for a definition of awkward, this is what it shows.

Just a picture of six people in an overly small living room. Two of them aren’t talking to each other, and one of those is in love with the other one. A third one knows this but doesn’t know what to do. A fourth one also knows but doesn’t know the first two that well but is worried about the third. A fifth one is annoyed that one of the first two is paying too much attention to the other of the first two. The sixth one is oblivious and just wants a shag.

Got that? Look it up, not lying.

So that’s where you found yourselves. You’d hoped that Bucky, May, Sam and Steve would all have gone into their rooms by the time you got back but they were all in the living room as you and Loki walked in. Bucky glared at you, May glared at Bucky, Steve looked bewildered and helpless at you both, Sam looked concerned at Steve. And Loki walked in and shook everyone’s hand, grinning drunkenly, before saying ‘so which is your room?’ and pulling you down the corridor. It was easiest to just go along with him and deal with the tension tomorrow. Your mood had shifted though and now that you were in a room next door to Bucky and May, you weren’t sure you could go through with this.  
But as you shut your door, Loki pulled you into him, and did this _thing_ with his tongue, and there was the rush of alcohol in your head compounded with the rush of hormones to your other end and yeah, you could.

You kissed Loki back and he pressed you hard against your door, both of you moaning with lust. The moans were, you had to admit, unfortunately timed as you just heard May and Bucky walk past your door and into their room. Actually, maybe that was fortunate timing. What was it that Loki had said about a competition? You’d show Bucky that you weren’t undesirable.

Because that TOTALLY would make things less awkward the next day. Ah alcohol, how you help with these crucial decisions.

You had your hands under Loki’s shirt now and could feel his muscles under my fingers. He was skinny, not like Bucky who was all muscle these days (WHY were you thinking about Bucky now?!) but there was plenty of muscle there. You ran your fingertips up his back and then round to his front, tracing lines of muscle as he moved with you. Pulling away from the kiss for a second, you started to undo his shirt, and he took the opportunity to pull your shirt over your head, trapping your arms in the sleeves and keeping them in the air, pinning them to the door above your head. You arched your back, pressing against him, as he stared at you with hungry eyes before bending down and lapping at your skin through the lace of your bra. You moaned again higher pitched and more desperate, wriggling to free your arms so you could touch him again but he wouldn’t let you go, keeping your arms trapped as he bit and sucked his way to your collarbone and back down to your other breast.

He had to let go eventually, so he could use his hands to undo your trousers, and you took the opportunity to finish undoing his shirt, and then both of you stumbled to your bed, you kicking off your trousers as you went and trying to reach to undo his. Somehow, drunkenly, you managed it and both fell, in just your underwear, onto the mattress.

More comfortable now, you settled in on top of him, tracing your lips down his body and enjoying the pull on your hair as he tangled his fingers in it. You were just easing his boxer shorts down when there was a moan, much higher pitched and... feminine than you’d expected. You looked up at him puzzled but he grinned at you, shook his head, and pointed next door. Oh god. That was May. You were NOT making this a competition. Obviously. You were an adult, that wasn’t how you behaved. And anyway, you were totally going to win so there was no competition to be had.

You gave Loki a grin, licking your lips. He just looked thrilled to be there and uncaring about all the seething tensions and undercurrents. As far as he was concerned, he was getting laid, who cares.  
So you carried on pulling his boxer shorts down and set to with a will, determined to outdo next door’s noises.

Let’s be honest, that may not be the most appropriate way to think about sex, but you did have a good time too. Loki was talented - those hips hadn’t lied - and you weren’t faking the noises he pulled out of you. It wasn’t long before you were so caught up that you had no idea what was going on next door which was a good thing all round. It was quite a long time later that you both collapsed, sweaty and aching on the bed, and it was only then that you thought again about Bucky. Loki had been fun - more than fun - but in your heart, it was still Bucky that you loved. Damn it.

Right now though, alcohol and endorphins stopped you doing much more than curling up against Loki and falling fast asleep.

-

The next morning, you woke up feeling headachy, sick, uncomfortable, cold and with a looming sense of awkwardness. It took a few minutes for the reasons for all these to seep through into your consciousness. Headache and sick - that’d be beer; uncomfortable - your arm was trapped under a large body; cold - the blankets had fallen off at some point and you were naked; awkward - ah. Yeah. 

So you’d argued with Bucky, given a poor impression to May and Sam, told Steve you loved Buck, and then tried to have competitive sex with a Norwegian college kid. You let out a different kind of groan as reality hit hard.

First things first: shower, clothes, coffee, toast. At least you weren’t a Bucky, needing help to get rid of one-night-stands, to be honest, it’d be less awkward if Loki stayed. You pulled your arm out from under Loki - he did look cute, let’s be honest, and pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt before taking a deep breath and opening the door.

Steve was in the kitchen, he always was an early riser, and Sam was in the living room. No sign of May and Bucky, that was something.

“Morning,” you managed with a sheepish grin. Sam beamed at you.

“There’s the face of someone who’s just had to work out what went on last night” . He sniggered and you narrowed your eyes at him before flinging yourself down on the couch near him and agreeing. Steve brought you over some coffee, his puppy dog eyes all serious and bothered.

“Just don’t Stevie. Not yet. Don’t give me the worried look this early, before I’ve even showered” . Sam snorted, you were going to like him if you could gang up on Steve together

“It’s just, what you said... and what happened... and what we do next.” 

“Not. Yet.” You growled, drinking some coffee and resting your head back. “And the answer is we do nothing, say nothing, know nothing, ‘k?” He puppy-dogged at you some more.

“Sam, he’s all yours. Enjoy!” You got up to get some more coffee, then turned back. “I meant it about maybe meeting up the three of us, later? If you’d like? I know I haven’t made a great first impression and I’d like to change that.” 

“Sounds great. You can charm me over coffee and avoid Steve’s questions” Sam grinned while Steve looked pained at the two of you teasing him. You ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head as you went past.

Back in your room Loki was still asleep so you found yourself some clothes and went for a shower, wanting to get in quick before any of the other people in the house got up. You were too late though, as you approached the bathroom door, it opened and May came out. You smiled at her, a little awkwardly, but none of this was her fault and she seemed like she had a good heart. She smiled back, thankfully.

“May, look, I’m sorry about… I don’t even know what’s going on really, but I’m sorry.” A little white lie never hurt, surely. “It’s nice to see how happy you make Bucky.” Ok, that lie was verging on the grey now, but it still wasn’t her fault. “He’s never spent so long with one person; you’ve really caught him.” That one wasn’t even a lie.

“Yeah? That’s kinda sweet, him all dependent on me. Thanks.” She gave you a smile and stepped aside. “I’ll let you shower, but maybe we can meet up some time? It’d be nice to get to know the competition.” Your face dropped, oh god, did she know how you felt. “I’m not sure who was judging last night, but I feel sorry for your downstairs neighbours.” She winked at you and you felt your face come back to life. Oh, THAT competition. No, wait, that was still embarrassing.

She chuckled as she walked past and you shut yourself in the bathroom quickly and had a very hot shower to match your very hot face.

By the time you were dressed, everyone was up. You dumped your dirty clothes in your room then stood in the hallway listening to the conversations in the living room. Loki seemed to be cheerfully chatting away to Sam, who apparently had spent some time in Norway once. Steve was bustling about in the kitchen, and May and Bucky were tangled up on the couch together. You could do this.

You stepped out into the room and smiled in a vague way at everyone, trying not to meet anyone’s eyes. Loki stood up and put his arms around you, which should have been nice except now you understood why Bucky was always so keen to get rid of his partners when morning came. It was nothing against Loki, but the alcoholic friendship didn’t always last when you sobered up. Luckily, he seemed completely blasé about it too. He squeezed you once, kissed you (twice, because you went in for another one, because no matter what, he really was good), then waved himself off and out of the door.

And now, it was just you five.

So you might have tried to have competitive noisy sex in order to make Bucky feel bad about something that he didn’t really understand, but despite that, you were an adult.

You sat down on a chair opposite the two of them on the couch, aware of Steve’s eyes on you.

“So what plans do you two have today?” 

You could see Bucky looking at you, perplexed, but you kept an innocent smile on your face. Us, argue? We never did! Gosh golly no Mr Barnes, you must be mistaken!

“Um, we’re going to go out get some brunch in a bit. Hangover food.” 

You smiled again. Hangover food used to be yours and Bucky’s things, but it was fine. FINE, all fine.

“Let’s all go” . That was Steve, ever keen for everyone to get on and be friendly. Everyone agreed, although there was no way of knowing how much anyone was actually thrilled by the idea, but an hour later you were all in a cafe ordering. The double-date-plus-one you’d been avoiding last night was now happening over pancakes and bacon.

Actually, it wasn’t that bad. Sam was fantastic, he didn’t let Steve take himself so seriously and had everyone laughing almost constantly. Steve was obviously infatuated but it looked like Sam was too, and that was just so good. At one point you caught Bucky’s eye and mouthed ‘awww’, nodding at the two men who were snuggled up together. Bucky grinned at you, tensions forgotten temporarily, and you had to break eye contact because it made your stomach clench to see him smile at you like that.

May was nice too, which didn’t help. She got on well with everyone and you learnt a lot about what she did, her background. She was a veterinary student in her final year, had an adopted sister.

“She had a tough time before our parents adopted her, so I’m real protective of her, even all these years later. I’d do anything to look after her. Augusta.” 

Was it you, or did she give Bucky a look as she said her sister’s name? No, you must have been misinterpreting because now she was snuggling up to him and stealing some bacon from his plate.

“Don’t eat it all Buck. I thought *I* was everything you needed, not bacon. So I’ll have that for you.” 

She winked at him as she ate his bacon. You’d never known Bucky giving up food willingly so you grinned, but he didn’t even seem to mind.

“Wow May, he’s got it bad, I’ve known Bucky for years and he’s never let me steal his bacon!” Steve was grinning over at them both.

“Aww, you love me enough to give me your food?” Bucky flushed and nuzzled into May’s neck, muttering ‘well yeah’. It might not have been long but Bucky had fallen fast and May was so lovely. Wasn’t she?

“Perfect.” She said quietly, and her eyes looked hard suddenly.


End file.
